


Entim'ara

by StephaniD



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Drama, Family Issues, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-13 02:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21487177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephaniD/pseuds/StephaniD
Summary: Set between Field of Fire and What We Leave Behind, Ezri has to go visit her family, who she's told she has a girlfriend. So she has to find a friend to pretend to be her girlfriend and deal with her family for a few days.
Relationships: Ezri Dax/Kira Nerys
Comments: 20
Kudos: 26
Collections: You fly I'll shoot





	1. The Idea

**Author's Note:**

> Idea Source: https://captain-keeli.tumblr.com/post/187590300582/  
Entim'ara Source: https://ezri-suggestion.tumblr.com/post/182808319498/ 
> 
> AU where KiraOdo never happened but Jezri did, and broke up.  
Thank you to the KiraDax discord for encouraging me to post this <3

“Dax, are you listening?” Sisko asked. Ezri jerked up. 

“Um.” She debated lying. “Sorry, no.” She admitted.

“Everyone else is dismissed.” Sisko sighed, Ezri winced. After he caught her up on the meeting, he asked what was wrong. 

"I have to go see my family soon. Which reminds me I need to use some of my leave time."

"I thought you didn't want to see your family again." Sisko replied.

"Well, I don't really want to see my mother again, but I want to see Janel and Norvo. But I told all of them that the reason I couldn't talk much or visit before this was because I have a girlfriend who works different hours. But now they all want me to bring her home for Entim'ara, and I made her up." Ezri explained.

"So just say she can't make it." Sisko replied.

"My mother would not accept that." Ezri shook her head. "So I guess I have to find someone to pretend to be my girlfriend for a few days."

"I trust that you'll take care of everything here before you leave, and try to pay attention in senior officer meetings."

"Of course, sir." Ezri nodded.

"Good luck with your mom, Dax."

"Thanks." 

"Hey, Leeta." Ezri grinned at the woman behind the dabo wheel.

"Hey, Ezri, want to play?"

"Not right now. I was wondering if you might do me a favor?"

"What do you need?"

"There's this togetherness festival coming up for Trill and my family expects me to bring my girlfriend."

"But you don't have a girlfriend." Leeta frowned.

"Exactly." Ezri replied. "I was hoping you'd be willing to come to New Sydney and pretend to be my girlfriend."

"I'm married, why ask me?"

"Because you're married, so there's very little chance we end up actually having romantic feelings for each other."

"I'll need to talk about it with Rom. When is it?"

"In about a month, I'm planning on taking a week's leave since it takes a couple days to get there."

"I can't." Leeta frowned. "Rom, Nog, and I are going to Ferenginar then so I can meet Rom's Moogie. I'm sorry, Ezri."

"No, it's fine, I hope you have a good time." Ezri smiled.

"Dax, if you're not going to play, don't distract the workers." Quark stated as he walked up. "And Leeta, you know you can't talk to non-customers on the clock."

"There are no customers here to play dabo." Leeta challenged.

"Bye, Leeta." Ezri left as they started to argue, trying to think of who else she could ask. Kasidy Yates was too busy to pretend to be her girlfriend, she barely had time for her own relationship. Kira was far too busy as second in command of the station. Dr. O'Brien had two young children to look after. 

"Quark, I need your help." Ezri sighed as she sat at the bar the next evening.

"That's what I'm here for, Ezri." He smiled.

"I need to find a temporary girlfriend."

"Is that the name of a holosuite program? Because I didn't think you were into that, but-"

"No, Quark, listen. I've been lying to my family about having a girlfriend, but now they want to meet her. Do you know anyone who'd be willing to pretend to be my girlfriend for a few days?"

"A few of the dabo girls might if you paid them, we could hold auditions." He offered.

"Ugh, no, I don't want to pay someone to pretend to be my girlfriend. Never mind." She got up.

"I'll be here when you change your mind. Or if you want a holosuite girlfriend." Quark called. 

"Hey, Kira." Ezri greeted her at the Replimat a few days later. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Go ahead." Kira smiled.

"I was wondering if you might know anyone who'd be willing to pretend to be my girlfriend to visit my family?" She asked.

"I thought Quark was lying. You're actually serious about this?" Kira asked. Ezri nodded, frowning. "Well, I could."

"You could?" Ezri repeated, stunned.

"Sure, why not?"

"I figured you'd be too busy with work. You'll have to take a week of leave."

"Sisko will survive without me, and Bashir will probably be happy I'm not stressing myself with work."

"Instead you'll be stressing yourself with my family."

"I can come over to your quarters tonight to talk all this out." Kira smiled.

"Thank you for offering to do this." Ezri smiled back. 

“So explain to me what’s going on with your family.” Kira requested that evening, sitting on Ezri’s couch.

“Well, my little brother Norvo’s in prison for murder.” Ezri stopped as Kira put her head in her hands.

“Your past life and your little brother?”

“You mean Joran? Yeah. I think having his memories is part of why I was able to handle it so well when Norvo was arrested.” Ezri nodded.

“Tell me about what you’ve told your family about your fake girlfriend.” Kira clarified. “Do I have to remember a fake name?”

“No, I never made up a name.” Ezri shook her head. “After I told them about breaking up with Julian, they wanted to be there for me, reconnect as a family. But it felt really fake, my mother was never really close or emotionally available, and it felt like a reaction to me being joined and Norvo being arrested, so I didn’t really want to talk to them that much. So I said I’d started dating a girl who worked weird hours, so that I could hop off subspace and use her as an excuse, say she was getting off shift soon or something.” Ezri explained.

"They must have asked what she did to work such odd hours." Kira replied.

"I reminded them that Bajor and New Sydney have different timekeeping systems, and said that her schedule kept changing due to others shifting availability." Ezri shrugged.

"You never told your family your fake girlfriend's name or job?" Kira repeated.

"Yeah." Ezri shrugged. "I mostly told them that we were going on dates so I had to get off subspace."

"So they know basically nothing about your relationship and we can make it all up." Kira confirmed, Ezri nodded. "Okay, what do I need to know about your family?"

"My little brother Norvo's in prison, I'll probably want to visit him, but you don't have to come with. My older brother Janel is co-running the family business with our mother. Our father left when we were little, Mother ran him off I guess." Ezri listed.

"Your family does mining?" Kira asked.

"Yup, pergium." 


	2. The Plan

They had a couple of days on the runabout to come up with their cover story. Over 39 Bajoran hours with no responsibility but making up a story and making sure they could remember it. 

"You could be a Promenade merchant." Ezri suggested, idly swiveling the copilot's seat back and forth. "We could say we flirted for a while before starting to date." 

"Would your family believe that?" Kira asked. 

"They don't know anything about Ezri Dax, they only remember Ezri Tigan." Ezri brushed off her concern. 

"Well, will Ezri Dax be able to successfully act that part for a few days, flirting with me in front of your family, your mother?" Kira waited as Ezri deliberated. She knew many of Dax's previous hosts would jump at the chance to flirt with a woman as attractive as Kira Nerys, but could she do so in front of her family without showing embarrassment for days? 

"Probably not." She admitted. They suggested and rejected different ideas until it was time for dinner and bed. Ezri took the bottom bunk in the cramped quarters, and dreamed about Lela’s wife, and Tobin’s family, and Emony's best friends. 

"Ezri, come here." Kira waved her over to the viewscreen the next morning. Her nausea started to surface and she didn't know if it was from space sickness or anxiety. 

"What is it?" She asked, fearing some stellar storm or anomaly. 

"Sit on my lap." Kira replied, holding her arms out. "We need to practice acting like girlfriends." 

"Oh. Right." Ezri swallowed. How could she have forgotten this? "I might be too heavy for you." 

"Dax, will you get down here?" Kira sighed. Ezri gingerly sat, trying to give the illusion of sitting on Kira's lap while still holding most of her own weight. Until Kira wrapped her arms around Ezri's waist and tugged her closer, causing her to collapse. Kira smiled and shook her head as she rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Ezri, you barely weigh a thing. Did you forget I play springball?" 

"I might've. Maybe we could use that in our story?" Ezri suggested. 

"Or we could drop the fake girlfriend thing." Kira suggested. Ezri turned to frown at her. "Not altogether, I mean I'll just be me, you just be you, but we pretend we're dating." Kira explained. "Less to remember. And on the off-chance your mom recognizes me..." 

"True." Ezri hadn't considered that, but wouldn't put it past her mother to research DS9. "We still have to decide stuff like when we started dating, make up some dates we've been on." 

"Mmm, we could say we started dating after you investigated Ensign Ilario's murder. You walked the ensign back to his quarters then came to mine to tell me that story about Sisko." Kira suggested. "And I was so worried about how you were acting, which turned out to be Joran." She rested her head on Ezri's shoulder. 

"We um- I don't know if we should tell my mother about Joran." 

"That's entirely up to you." Kira replied. "You're still so tense, your mother isn't going to believe we're dating." 

"No, I'm always pretty tense around my mother. She can be a very fickle and critical person." Ezri replied. 

"Still, your girlfriend should be a source of comfort. Relax." She pulled Ezri closer, shifting her center of balance to lean into Kira. Ezri let herself be moved. Kira was the one encouraging this, and she really did need to get used to casual displays of affection with her superior officer, and fast. So she let herself rest on Kira, breathe in the semi-familiar spicy scent of Bajorans. Her nausea returned as her mind wandered back to talking to her mother. Should they say they started dating after the murder investigation? Should she tell her mother about Joran? Would that start an argument about Norvo? What was she going to say to Norvo? She ran for the bathroom to throw up. 

“Are you sure the spacesickness is from Dax?” Kira asked, leaning against the doorframe as Ezri brushed her teeth.

“Well, I never got spacesick before joining.” Ezri replied.

“Jadzia didn’t get spacesick, though, so I’m wondering why you are.”

“Jadzia didn’t feel guilty about Torias’ death.”

“Torias was the pilot?”

“Married to Nilani Kahn.” Ezri nodded.

“And you feel guilty about his death?”

“Yup. And going home makes me feel even more guilty and anxious!” She added with fake cheer and toasted Kira with her water glass. Kira frowned.

“So why are you going home?”

“I want to see my family, annoying as they can be. And the longer I wait, the more I’m going to have to hear about it from my mother.” 

"What is it your family's celebrating?" Kira asked over lunch. 

"Entim'ara. Togetherness festival." Ezri explained. "It takes place over 3 days. It’s a celebration of romance, family, friends. Technically each type of relationship has a day, but they’ve kind of blended together with time. Joined Trill don't really celebrate since it can be a reminder of all the loved ones past hosts have lost, but Mother's always been willing to overlook things like that. And I think her insisting I come home is a reaction to her feeling she's losing me to Dax. I should get her a present, she’s going to expect one." Ezri shrugged and went to the replicator. It didn’t have a very wide catalogue, but a mug with the image of the station on it would work. 

"So you just psychoanalyze your mother?" Kira asked. 

"Yup." Ezri nodded. "Not to her face, of course, she doesn't like me using my training on family, but it helps to know what you're getting into."

“Speaking of presents, is that a thing you do for Entim’ara?” Kira asked.

“Some do, especially kids. Mostly we just show each other we care about each other, kids are supposed to make an effort to not fight with their siblings, people spend time together. Not a lot of businesses are open on Trill so that people have time to spend with their loved ones.”

“It sounds nice.” Kira smiled.

“Yeah, and there’s nothing that you’ll be expected to do.” Ezri nodded. “Thanks for agreeing to this.”

“Ezri, it’s fine.” Kira smiled. 

"Hey Kira, is it okay if I kiss you on the cheek?" Ezri asked later. 

"Sure." Kira replied from the pilot's chair. 

"On the hand?" 

"Ezri, you're the one whose family we're trying to fool. I'll let you know if something isn't okay, but knowing you, I doubt it'll get that far." Kira smiled at her. 

"Okay. I feel the same. Just, no kisses on the mouth, please." 

"Okay. Top of the head?" Kira checked. 

"You really enjoy being the tall one, now." Ezri accused with a grin. "You can kiss my head, it's fine." 

“So are we saying we started dating after the murder investigation?” Kira asked.

“Sure, but I don’t think I should tell my family about Joran.”

“Okay. You should tell me that story about Curzon and Sisko, though.” Kira smiled, Ezri chuckled.

“You just want to hear the story of Ben as a drunk ensign.” She accused.

“You did offer to tell me.” Kira rebutted with a grin. 

Ezri's space sickness became more frequent as they neared the Sappora system. Kira replicated her some herbs to chew, but they could only help so much when her nausea had a mental cause instead of a physical one. She heard Kira on comms as she sat on the floor and pressed her head to the bathroom wall. Part of her brain kept insisting she'd feel better if she pushed her forehead against something, but it wasn't working. She suspected her brain was actually seeking a cool surface and the signal was getting jumbled. 

"This is the Starfleet runabout Panama, I'm Colonel Kira of the Bajoran Militia. We're heading for New Sydney, going to be visiting family for the Entim'ara festival." Kira identified from the pilot’s seat. 

"Computer, lower temperature by 2C." Ezri commanded from the floor of the bathroom, tempted to remove her short sleeve shirt to try and alleviate her nausea. The computer chirped. 

"Ezri, we'll be at New Sydney in less than an hour." Kira called. 

"Uh huh." Ezri swallowed thickly, eyes closed. 

"Nothing else I can do to help?" Kira asked again. 

"No." Ezri cracked her eyes open to find her glass of water and took the tiniest sip she could, not even enough water to swallow, just enough to wet her mouth. 

"This is Major Kira Nerys of the Bajoran Militia." Kira identified. She must have gotten another hail. 

"I’m Yanas Tigan. Where's Ezri?" Ezri pushed herself to her feet, she couldn't let Kira deal with her mother alone. 

"Ezri's busy right now, we'll be landing in just a few minutes." 

"What in the pools could a counselor be busy with?" 

"I'm here, Mother, you'll be able to see me in person soon." Ezri said as she neared the viewscreen. Kira stood up and held her close, tucked Ezri's head down to rest on Kira's shoulder. Their faces were blocked from the viewscreen. 

"You good?" Kira asked. 

"For now." Ezri replied, still feeling a little shaky, but feeling better in Kira's embrace. 

"Remember to call me Nerys." She breathed, Ezri nodded. 

"Ezri, I'm glad to see you." Her mother smiled when Kira resumed her seat. "I can't wait to have a proper conversation." 

"Me either." Ezri replied, though she didn't know what her mother wanted to talk about. "You finally get to meet my girlfriend." She smiled, unsure what else to say. 

"I've sent you landing coordinates. I'll see you soon." 

"See you soon, Mother." Ezri echoed as the link was ended. She walked quickly back to the bathroom as her stomach heaved. 


	3. The First Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that I use sy/sym/syr pronouns for symbionts.

Ezri insisted she could carry her own bag despite her nausea, but Kira still wrapped an arm protectively around her waist as they left the runabout. Ezri rested a hand on top of Kira’s.

“Ezri.” Her mother smiled as they entered the living room. “Good to see you. This must be your girlfriend that I’ve heard nothing about.”

“Yes, this is-” Ezri started to introduce Kira. 

“Colonel Kira Nerys of the Bajoran Militia, and first officer of the station.” Her mother interrupted with a smile. “I assume that’s why you kept her identity a secret, your relationship isn’t public yet?”

“Yes.” Kira jumped in. “Officially, I’m just here to pilot the runabout, Starfleet doesn’t like sending them out without at least 2 people aboard. Pleased to meet you, ma’am.”

“Please, call me Yanas. May I call you Nerys?”

“Mother!” Ezri hissed, eyes wide. If her mother had done the research she seemed to, she ought to know that a Bajoran’s personal name was personal.

“I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that yet, but I’ll let you know.” Kira replied, pulling Ezri closer to press a kiss to her head.

“I know how tall you are, that doesn’t mean-” Ezri started, glaring at Kira, her nausea spiking. 

“You know I can take care of myself, Ez.” Kira smiled.

“_Kira_, would you prefer to stay in the guest room or Ezri’s room?” Her mother asked.

“We’ll go to my room and discuss it. Mother, could you show Kira? I need to use the bathroom.” Ezri asked, Kira immediately took her bag and Ezri strode toward the bathroom before her mother could answer.

“She’s just spacesick, should be feeling better soon now that we’re planetside.” Kira explained.

"I assume that's something from _Dax_, she was never spacesick as a child." Her mother replied. "Her room's this way." Ezri sat next to the toilet and breathed deeply as she listened to their footsteps fade. She reminded herself that Torias was over 150 years dead and there was nothing she could do to fix his mistake, and she wasn't even in a spacecraft so her stomach had absolutely no reason to be upset. 

"Hey, sorry I abandoned you to deal with my mother." Ezri sighed as she entered her room, joining Kira sitting on her bed.

"It's fine, she's been nice to me aside from asking to use my personal name. How are you feeling?” Kira asked.

“Better.” Ezri glanced around at her room, the handful of model spaceships slowly making their way around the ceiling, her bookshelves mostly stocked with space adventures and psychology books, a few old stuffed toys on her bed.

“Your bed is big enough for both of us if you’re okay with that, or I’d be perfectly happy in the guest room. Whatever you’re more comfortable with.” Kira assured quietly.

"It would probably look better if we slept in the same bed."

"Speaking of the bed, you should introduce me to your friends." Kira grinned. Ezri waited for her to say that she was joking, but she didn't. "I promise I won't tease. Shouldn't your girlfriend know this sort of thing?"

"Julian did tell me about Kukalaka." Ezri sighed. She handed Kira a furry blue and green quadrupedal animal with pointed ears, short snout, and poseable tail. "This is Miril the yasara, named after my childhood best friend who sewed it." She explained. 

"Are you going to see Miril for Entim'ara?" Kira asked. 

"No, we grew apart." Ezri sighed. 

"What's a yasara?"

"Typically they're pets in this system, but you can get packs of wild yasara if people abandon ones who can produce offspring. They don't tend to get taller than a meter at most. Miril had one, but Mother always said she didn't need an animal to make messes in addition to her three children." 

"And make messes we did." Janel smiled from the doorway, knocking on the open door. 

"Janel, great to see you." Ezri stood to hug her brother. "This is my girlfriend Kira. Kira, my older brother Janel."

"Nice to meet you." Janel nodded and smiled at Kira.

"Likewise."

"Janel, what time is it? I think I might be starlagged." Ezri asked.

"4pm. Can you make it until dinner?" He replied.

"I think so."

"1700?" Kira clarified. Ezri shook her head.

"New Sydney's on a 24 hour system, it's about 1530 Bajoran time."

"We probably will be a bit starlagged, it’s close to 2100 on the station." Kira nodded.

"What are you kids up to?" Janel teased.

"Kira's older than you." Ezri informed him.

"Oh, dating an older woman." He chuckled.

"Don't say it like that." Ezri frowned. "I was just giving Kira a little tour of my room since she'll be sleeping here for the next few days."

"Well I just wanted to stop and say a quick hello before I headed down to the mines. See you at dinner."

"See you." Ezri went to sit next to Kira on the bed. 

"Didn't you say most Trill don’t work during Entim’ara?” Kira asked.

“Yes, but mother employs lots of people who aren’t Trill.” Ezri replied. “They don’t celebrate Entim’ara.”

“Ah. Didn’t we say you were going to call me Nerys?" Kira asked.

"Right." Ezri sighed. "I can say I didn't want to teach them the wrong name."

"Okay. One more question. Who's this?" Kira smiled, grabbing another stuffed animal from the bed. Ezri chuckled.

"I don't know if this is going to translate right. This is Wormy the symbiont."

"Wormy?" Kira repeated with a smile.

"Diminutive form of a nickname for the symbionts. It's a very common name for a child's toy symbiont." Ezri replied. "My paternal grandmother made sym for me when I was born. I don't remember her, my father left when I was young, Norvo was still a toddler."

"I'm surprised you have toys of the symbionts." Kira said.

“Symbionts are held in high regard, but they’re not like the Prophets.” Ezri explained. “Because Joining is so important to most Trill, toy symbionts are used to explain the concept to children, as long as they're big enough to not fit into a child's pouch."

"This is what Dax looks like?" Kira asked.

"Yeah, pretty close." Ezri remembered seeing Dax on the Destiny, when she was told an emergency Joining may be necessary.

"Is Dax this big?" Kira continued.

"No, Wormy's bigger. Janel and Norvo had stuffed symbionts too, I don't know what they did with them."

"And none of you were interested in joining?"

"Nope." 

Ezri and Kira made sure to hold hands as they went to dinner, and they chatted vaguely about their relationship and how it was difficult to keep it a secret, Ezri’s family jokingly chided her about not having shown her girlfriend traditional Trill foods. The young women told the story of Ezri walking ensign Ilario to his quarters, then going to Kira's to tell her the story of Sisko as an ensign. That was fairly easy, embellishing the truth, holding Kira's hand, smiling at her. Ezri laughed and declined to tell her family the story of ensign Sisko when asked.

"Girlfriend privilege." Kira grinned.

“I can’t imagine relationships between species are viewed as taboo, you dated that Human for a little while. Why keep yours secret from everyone?” Ezri’s mother commented.

“Mother, Nerys is technically my commanding officer.” Ezri reminded.

“But you’re not in Starfleet?” Janel frowned.

“No, but I’m second in command of the station.” Kira replied. “We’re not sure how our governments would react to me dating someone I have power over.”

“Ezri, have you heard from Brinner?” Her mother asked.

“No, and I don’t expect to. Our breakup was mutual.” Ezri sighed. “Brinner was my boyfriend on the Destiny.” She informed Kira.

“I just thought, with it being Entim’ara.” Her mother shrugged.

“Speaking of Entim'ara, when are we visiting Norvo?” Ezri asked. Her mother didn’t respond.

“We… haven’t really discussed it.” Janel replied.

“We’re not visiting anyone. All the people we need to celebrate are right here.” Her mother stated.

“We’re not visiting Norvo?” Ezri repeated.

“No. After what he did, I don’t think I can bear to face him.” Her mother stated.

“After what he- you’re the one who pressured him into- him and Janel-!” Ezri threw her napkin down and started pacing behind her chair, her thoughts coming too fast to even get out properly. To abandon her child after neglecting him, because he snapped after she pushed her sons too hard, he was trying to please her, and for her to act like he didn’t exist, it went against all her maternal instincts. “I can’t believe you’d abandon your child, and after Neema!” She accused. Her mother and brother looked at each other in confusion as Kira jumped up and reached for her.

“Hey, Ezri, Ezri, let’s go talk. Ezri.” Kira said as she grabbed Ezri’s shoulders and looked her in the eye. Kira steered her back to her room as she remembered that she was Ezri, not Audrid, and Neema was probably long dead. 

Kira sat on the bed as Ezri paced her bedroom. Norvo hadn’t mentioned anything about their mother acting differently towards him when they chatted on subspace, but they’d mostly avoided the subject of their family. But if she had been acting differently, wouldn’t he have told Ezri? Unless he didn’t care, or didn’t notice, or didn’t want to complain to his big sister. How often did Norvo even talk to the rest of their family? She didn’t know. Well, she was a grown woman, she could just go see Norvo herself.

"If I go visit Norvo tomorrow, would you want to come with?" Ezri asked, sitting next to Kira.

"Sure."

"You'd be okay in a prison?" Ezri checked.

"I assume New Sydney prisons are different from Cardassian. And I'd rather be with you than alone with your family."

"Mmm." Ezri could definitely understand that.

"Why did your mother bring up your ex-boyfriend?" Kira asked.

"I think she still wishes I was dating him, since I wasn't joined then, and there was no power structure or patient ethics getting in the way of our relationship." Ezri sighed. "And I could theoretically give her full Trill grandchildren easier than inter-system adoption. Or maybe she was just trying to change the subject." Ezri shrugged. 

"Is he the one you broke up with because he reminded you of your grandson?"

"Yeah. But also he was jealous of me joining with Dax." 

"He was jealous? No offense, but you're still getting confused." Kira replied. 

"No, I know. Thanks and sorry, by the way. But he wanted to be Joined, he'd been an Initiate, and it was just bad luck that the Changeling attacked him." Ezri shrugged, then glanced at Kira to find her staring at her. "I've never told you this story?" Ezri guessed.

"No, and I understand if you don't want to, it sounds bad. I just wasn't expecting to hear that." Kira assured, placing her hand on Ezri's.

"I can give it a shot, at least. We were the only Trill on the Destiny, and were informed that if Dax's condition worsened, sy would have to be joined. We both planned for it to be Brinner. Turns out he was a Changeling, though. Completely screwed up his chances of getting Joined when he attacked me." Ezri took a deep breath and Kira squeezed her hand. "Apparently wanted to make certain he’d get Dax. I passed out. When I came to, they told me that the Changeling was dead, but he'd hurt both the real Brinner Finok and Dax. Sy needed to be joined and I was the only one available."

"He was jealous about that?" Kira asked. Ezri nodded. "Sounds like you're better off without him."

"You're probably right. One good thing about Dax, sy's given me the confidence to realize Brinner and I didn't work, nor Julian, and I deserve better."

"How am I doing?" Kira teased.

"So far so good, but we'll see." Ezri grinned. 

That night Ezri was hesitant getting into bed with Kira. On the runabout they had separate bunks, but what if she kept Kira up in the same bed? She lay down and stayed stock still as Kira lay on her side with her back to Ezri.

“Ezri?” Kira asked a minute later, turning her head to be heard better.

“Yeah?”

“Relax. I’ve co-slept before. You can’t be worse than a twitchy resistance fighter, or a 7 year old. Move around if you need, just go to sleep.” Kira advised.

“Okay.” Ezri consciously relaxed her body. Remembering that Kira had certainly slept in far worse conditions, and had probably woken to Molly O’Brien’s foot in her face or something, helped Ezri relax enough to get properly comfortable. What was she going to say to Norvo though? ‘Hey little brother, happy Entim’ara, this is my girlfriend’? ‘How’s prison been? Were you expecting Mother to visit?’ They didn’t usually have much to say on subspace, why would seeing each other in person be any different? And she shouldn’t assume Kira would come with her into the prison, it was likely she’d choose to wait and occupy herself outside. 

“Ezri, I can feel you thinking.” Kira stated. “I know you’re going to need energy tomorrow, so count hara cats or rub your fingers or something.”

“Rub my fingers?” Ezri asked. Kira rolled over and took Ezri’s hands in her own, circling her thumbs around each other, rubbing her fingertips back and forth, sliding the peaks and valleys of her knuckles into those on her other hand, demonstrating different self-soothing behaviors.

“Just… move your hands together. Feels good. Helps some folks fall asleep.” Kira explained before she turned away again.

“Can- can I hold your hand?” Ezri breathed.

“Sure.” Kira seemed totally unaffected by the request, just rolled back to face Ezri and offered a hand, eyes closed. Ezri gently stroked the back of Kira’s hand with her thumb, focusing on lulling them both to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ezri having toy spaceships was taken from an unfilmed script detail in Prodigal Daughter.


	4. The Second Day

Ezri woke from a dream about Nilani Khan, Ziranne Idaris, Arandis, and Tobin’s children. She pushed the memories aside as they got dressed and headed to the kitchen for breakfast, finding Ezri’s mother already there.

“Happy Entim’ara.” She said, sliding Ezri a flat package.

“Oh! I forgot! Be right back.” Ezri hurried back to her room and retrieved the mug she’d gotten. “Happy Entim’ara, Mother.” She smiled as she set it in front of her.

“Oh, thank you Ezri.” Her mother smiled and poured her coffee into her new mug. Ezri unwrapped her present to find a small bedside mirror with her name printed on it. “I know you sometimes have trouble with Dax in the mornings, I hope it helps.”

“Thank you, Mother, I’m sure it will be useful.” Ezri smiled. At least her mother was trying to help with her struggles. Kira had gotten them both breakfast from the replicator, and a minute later Janel joined them.

“Happy Entim’ara, Ez.” He passed her a model spaceship kit, the Defiant. She hadn’t built models in years, she had no need to anymore. But he’d tried to get her something she’d like. 

“Thank you, Janel, I feel bad I didn’t get you anything.” Though she considered them both to be too old for Entim’ara gifts. 

“You being home is present enough.” He smiled.    


“We’re going to visit Norvo this afternoon.” Their mother announced.

“Oh, great!” Ezri grinned.

“I’m glad you changed your mind.” Kira added. Ezri squeezed her hand in warning, hoping Kira got the message that her mother hated to admit being wrong, and rarely ever did so.

“It’s Entim’ara, and family ought to be together and support each other through their struggles.” Her mother stated as though Kira hadn’t spoken. 

“I was thinking after breakfast we could play a game.” Janel suggested.

“Sure, what kind of game?” Ezri grinned.

“We could go outside and set up the net for a game of badminton.”

“Kira, badminton?” Ezri asked.

“Which one is that?” Kira replied.

“You tap the little ball over a raised net with rackets. It’s kind of similar to springball, but not as intense.”

“Sure, I’ll give it a shot.”

“Mother, would you like to join us?” Janel asked.

“I’ll spectate, dear.”

“Should we take turns playing one on one?” Ezri suggested.

“You and your girlfriend can play against me until she gets the hang of it.” Janel smiled. 

They replicated exercise clothing for Ezri and Kira, who kept glancing at Ezri's bared calves as they pulled their shoes on. 

"You saw Jadzia in a swimsuit." Ezri chuckled. "The spots should not be drawing your attention that much." Though she was taking the opportunity to glimpse the ridges on Kira's forearms and calves close-up. She knew they were more prominent when bones and cartilage were near the skin. 

"But I'm used to only seeing spots on your face. I almost forgot you're alien." Kira smiled. 

"Just don't stare at Janel’s legs, you're supposed to be my girlfriend." 

They spent an entertaining morning playing. It took longer than expected for Kira to get used to the different type of game, Ezri tried not to laugh as Kira repeatedly missed the ball due to her unfamiliarity with the racket. Eventually Kira admitted this probably wasn't her game, and Janel suggested she join his team. 

"Excuse me, you're going to steal my girlfriend off my team?" Ezri asked dramatically, hands on her hips. "I can't believe my own brother would do this to me." 

"I'm doing it for your own good." Janel replied grinning, but equally as dramatic. "You'll be better off without her." He chuckled. Kira laughed as well. 

"I won't forget you." Kira vowed, taking a knee to kiss Ezri's hand before walking backwards around the net to Janel's side, stretching a hand out towards Ezri and grinning. 

"Ezri, that blush is adorable." Her mother commented. Well, at least they were fooling her family, even if Ezri was getting embarrassed for real. But she definitely was not developing feelings for her senior officer. It was just normal embarrassment. With Janel's self-sacrifice of taking Kira on his team, their scores became more even, which Kira just laughed at. Eventually they went to have lunch and clean up to see Norvo. Ezri grabbed a deck of cards just in case they ended up needing something to do. 

In her mother's spacecraft, Ezri breathed deeply and held Kira's hand as they took off, sitting beside each other on a bench. 

"Your mother?" Kira guessed, breathing in her ear. "Your younger brother? Spacesick?" 

"Yup." Ezri replied. 

"Can I distract you?" 

"You can try." Ezri sighed. 

"Relax. There's enough space on the bench, lay down and put your head on my lap." 

"What are you two whispering about?" Ezri's mother asked as the couple shifted position. 

"I'm just feeling a little spacesick." Ezri replied. 

"We're not even leaving the planet." Janel frowned. 

"But we're not on the planet, and I can feel it." Ezri sighed. Kira stroked her hair and Ezri closed her eyes. 

"The trip should only take an hour or so, Ezri." Her mother replied, tone apologetic. 

"You're perfectly safe. Tobin wasn't your fault. We're not going above impulse." Kira murmured. Torias had been the one who died in a shuttle craft, but Ezri knew it was hard for others to keep all of Dax's hosts straight. She sometimes had trouble with it, and she remembered being them all. Ezri focused on Kira's fingers in her hair for the entirety of the quiet trip, eventually relaxing into her touch, trying to ignore her nausea. 

"Ezri, we're here." Her mother said, Kira's fingers stilled. 

"Okay." Ezri made no move to get up. "We haven't landed yet, so I'm going to stay here. If that's okay with you, Nerys?" She looked up at her. 

"Of course." Kira smiled and resumed stroking Ezri's hair. Ezri kissed her cheek when they landed, Kira smiled and butterflies joined the nausea in Ezri's stomach. 

"Zee!" Norvo hugged her when they met. "Who's this?" 

"My girlfriend, Kira Nerys. Nerys, this is my little brother Norvo." Ezri introduced as they sat at a table. 

"Nice to meet you." Kira nodded. 

"You too. I wasn't even sure what to expect, but meeting my sister's mysterious girlfriend is still unexpected." 

"I trust things are good, Norvo?" Their mother asked. 

"Yes, Mother, the same as ever. Happy Entim'ara." 

"Happy Entim'ara." They chatted awkwardly for a few minutes about the mining company, before lapsing into an even more awkward silence. 

"I brought cards if we want to play." Ezri offered, pulling the deck out of her pocket. Her brothers grinned. 

"Our game?" Janel asked. 

"I'm cool if everyone else is." Norvo agreed. 

"I am. Mother?" Ezri asked. 

"Oh, no, I'm not playing that slapping game." She shook her head. 

"Slapping?" Kira asked. 

"We made up a really simple game as kids. Everyone takes turns laying down a card, and if there's two cards of the same number next to each other, or separated by one card, you slap the pile and you get to add the pile to your hand. Or any three numbers that are in a row. Like seven six five." Ezri explained. 

"Sounds fun." Kira smiled. 

"Nice. Nobody wearing rings?" Janel checked, they all shook their heads. "Okay, Ez, deal. Kira, want us to go slow at first?" 

"Not at all." She grinned. Ezri passed out the entire deck of cards and they started to play. 

Kira quickly became proficient, and Ezri's mother watched the games, saying 'hit' instead of actually hitting the pile. By the time they had to leave, they had red, stinging hands from hitting the cards, and getting hit by others trying to hit the cards first. Ezri hugged her little brother goodbye, and took Kira's hand as they left. She frowned at her mother's shuttle. 

"Did my playing with your hair help?" Kira asked softly as they walked on. 

"Yeah. You don't mind?" Ezri glanced up at her. 

"Nah. Could I try to braid your hair?" 

"You can certainly try." Ezri smiled. She wasn't as hesitant about laying on the bench with her head in Kira's lap, breathing through her nausea as they took off and picked up speed. She focused on Kira's nimble fingers on her head, trying to ground herself in the knowledge that Torias was dead, Nilani was dead, and she couldn't change what happened so there was no use feeling guilty about it. What she ought to be feeling guilty about was lying to her family, and enlisting Kira's help to do so. But it was too late to back out now, she couldn't just tell them she invented a girlfriend so she wouldn't have to talk to them. Her mother would be furious, liable to scream about it for over an hour, and refuse to speak to Ezri for months at least. Her brothers would be hurt. She had to see this through. Maybe in a week or so she could tell her family that she and Kira broke up. She managed to relax into Kira's touch and mostly ignore her nausea. 

"Ez? We landed." Kira wiggled her shoulder. 

"I fell asleep?" She muttered, sitting up. "Did you braid my hair?" She put a hand to her head. 

"I tried, but your hair is so short and I don't have any ties, so it didn't stay." Kira smiled. Hand in hand, they headed to Ezri’s bedroom.

“You’ll stay starlagged if you go back to sleep.” Janel called, but didn’t stop them. Ezri closed her door. 

“Are you okay?” She asked Kira. “I know you’ve kind of been thrown into everything with my family, I wish I could have prepared you better.”

“I’m good.” Kira replied. “I’m pretty impressed with how you treated your brother today.”

“Norvo?” Ezri checked, Kira nodded.

“I know you said that having Joran’s memories affected how you felt when you learned that he killed someone, but I still wanted to let you know that I don’t know how I’d react if one of my loved ones killed someone.” Kira continued. “I don’t know if it’s because of Joran, or because you’re a counselor, or just who you are as a person, I just wanted to let you know I’m proud and kind of in awe of how you handled yourself with him.”

“Thanks." Ezri smiled at Kira being proud of her. "But, you know people who’ve killed people.” Ezri frowned. “You killed people during the Occupation. I remember Jadzia asked you about it.”

“Killing Cardassians during the Occupation, they weren’t-” Kira sighed, “It’s not that they weren’t people, but I could tell myself that they were occupiers who had no right to be on Bajor. Your brother doesn’t have that to fall back on, what he did, it’s more personal.” Kira explained. “I half expected you to be more hesitant around him.”

“I think part of it is that I can sympathize with the kind of pressure he was under, and part of it is that he’s my little brother.” Ezri shrugged. “But thank you. It’s really nice to know you’re proud of me.” It filled her with pride and made her inordinately happy that Kira was proud of her. “And thanks for helping with my spacesickness and everything.”

“It’s not a big deal.” Kira smiled.

“And agreeing to come here with me.” Ezri knew she’d thanked Kira for that before, but it was worth repeating.

“Ezri, don’t worry about it. If you really want, we can discuss things on the shuttle back to DS9.”

“Okay.” So she had one more day to decide if she should tell Kira she thought she was developing a crush on her. "I should go spend time with my mother. Make an effort for Entim'ara." Ezri sighed. "You don't have to join me, you can take some time away from my family." 

"I'll come check on you in a bit." Kira replied. 

"Thanks." 

"Mother?" Ezri found her mother in her office. 

"Yes, Ezri?" 

"I was just thinking that we don't have many conversations where it's just the two of us, and we have that opportunity now, if you want. Yesterday when we arrived you mentioned that we can have a proper conversation, and I was just wondering what you wanted to talk about." Ezri twisted her fingers together behind her back, standing in front of her mother's desk. Her mother looked up from her computer screen and Ezri got the distinct impression she was interrupting. 

"Happy Entim'ara to you, too." Her mother smiled. Ezri smiled back nervously, her mother saw right through her nervous half-rambling. 

"This is what the holiday's for, spending time together." Ezri shrugged. 

"Ezri, I'm hurt that you didn't think your brother and I could keep the secret of you dating Kira Nerys." Her mother frowned. 

"That's not why I didn't tell you, I trust you, it's just that-" Ezri tried to come up with a believable lie as her mother watched her, frowning curiously. "Have I told you about Joran Dax?" Ezri finally sat in one of the other chairs in the room, scooting it closer. 

"I don't believe so, which one is that?" 

"He was a musician. And murderer. Initially, his memories had been blocked from Dax. When Jadzia, she had Dax right before me, when she started to remember his memories, the Symbiosis Commission was willing to let her die to keep Joran a secret. Captain Sisko found out and saved her." Ezri explained. 

"So you're worried Captain Sisko will find out?" Her mother guessed. Ezri shook her head. 

"No, because of the secret of Joran and how confused Joining made me, and how few ties I have to Trill, I'm worried the Symbiosis Commission is keeping an eye on me to keep the secret, especially when I call you. If they're monitoring my subspace communication and find out I'm dating my senior officer, they may feel the need to report it to Starfleet. And Starfleet might disapprove of our relationship and do something like transfer me, or report Nerys to the Bajoran government and get her transferred." Ezri finished. 

"You've always been a worrier." Her mother smiled. "If it will make you feel better, I can encrypt our transmissions so no one else can see them." 

"I don't think that'd be a good idea. But now you know who my girlfriend is, so when I say 'my girlfriend', who know who I mean." Ezri smiled. 

"Alright, Ezri, I'll leave this alone. But I don't like knowing that our communications may be observed." 

"I don't like it either." Ezri sighed. "But maybe we're not being observed, maybe I'm just being paranoid and the Symbiosis Commission trusts me." Ezri shrugged. 

"Ezri?" Kira called. 

"Coming." Ezri replied. She wondered if Kira had been eavesdropping to have such perfect timing. She smiled at her mother and returned her chair to its spot before finding Kira in her room, lying on the bed and reading a padd. 

"Hey, thanks, great timing." Ezri said softly, smiling and lying next to Kira. "Were you listening in?" 

"No, why?" 

"Your timing was perfect. I told my mother that the reason I didn't tell her about you was because I'm worried the Symbiosis Commission is monitoring my subspace communication, in case she mentions it." 

"Okay." 

"I'm glad Norvo's doing well." Ezri broke the awkward silence during dinner. 

"Yes, from what I gather he genuinely understands that what he did was wrong, and is working to rectify it." Her mother replied. 

"Good call bringing that deck of cards, Ez." Janel smiled. "We just needed something to break the tension." 

"That's an interesting game you invented." Kira commented. "When did that happen?" 

"Being young and impatient, the children didn't want to learn a complicated card game, so they made up their own, violent one." Ezri’s mother answered. "I think they were 4, 6, and 8. My adorable children have grown up, and my little girl has moved away from home." She sighed. 

"Mother, you already did this when I moved into Starfleet dorms." Ezri pleaded. 

"I'm still allowed to miss you, being so far away." Her mother replied.

"I'm not saying you're not allowed to-" Ezri started. 

"What time were you planning on leaving tomorrow?" 

"We need to leave before lunch in order to get back to DS9 in time." Ezri sighed. 

"Kira, I'd like to speak with you in private before you leave." Her mother requested. Ezri and Kira glanced at each other. 

"What about?" Kira asked. 

"I'd rather not say right now." Yanas replied. 

"I bet Mother's going to show Kira images of you as a baby." Janel teased Ezri. "We never even met your last boyfriend so she can't waste any time on the embarrassment now." Ezri put her face in her hands at the idea of Colonel Kira, second in command of the station, seeing pictures of her as an infant, probably only partially clothed. But she'd rather that be the topic of discussion than her mother having figured out they weren't really dating. Kira chuckled and rubbed Ezri's shoulder. 

Ezri's mother didn’t end up talking to Kira that evening. Kira pulled Ezri onto her lap on the couch after dinner, holding her close and humming softly, grinning when Ezri accused her of taking advantage of her height again. But it did help her calm down, to feel Kira’s warm arms wrapped around her, to close her eyes and rest her head on Kira’s shoulder. She hadn’t fully realized how tense she was until she relaxed into Kira’s embrace. She suspected her mother took at least one photo of them, maybe even a holoimage, but she didn’t interrupt. Eventually Kira woke her (she hadn’t intended to fall asleep) and they went to fall asleep properly in Ezri’s bed. Ezri was too exhausted from her anxiety during the day to stay awake for long, Kira let her hold her hand again and Ezri passed out soon after. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The card game the Tigan siblings invented is what I remember of the game Egyptian Rat Screw (AKA ERS).


	5. The Third Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Mona for the idea of the best rich people future passtime: going skiing at a ski resort IN SPACE.

Ezri woke from a dream about Jayvin Vod, and Neema, and Emony's childhood friend who died from a sudden illness. She tried to ignore the memories, but Kira noticed her slowness and shakiness as they got dressed. 

"Want a hug?" She asked softly. Ezri nodded and held her tight, trying to focus on the here and now. Kira Nerys' arms wrapped around her, Ezri. 

"Thanks. I was just remembering old families." Ezri said as they parted.

“You’re good though? You’re you?” Kira checked.

“Yeah, I’m Ezri.” She nodded. 

Ezri stared at the replicator and sighed, unable to decide what she wanted for breakfast.

“Want me to pick for you?” Kira murmured.

“Sure. I’m not even really hungry, but I should eat, you know?” Ezri replied as she sat. She laid her head on her folded arms, remembered other tense family breakfasts. The mornings after Joran’s anger got the better of him. The mornings that the Olympic gymnastics team would be announced. The morning after Audrid came home and Jayvin didn’t. 

“Ezri, why is Kira the one up? She’s a guest.” Her mother frowned as she entered.

“It’s okay Yanas, I’m perfectly capable of getting us breakfast. Ezri’s not being a poor host, I promise.” Kira smiled. Ezri's mother’s words echoed back through lifetimes, she remembered hearing and saying the exact same sentiment over and over, the worry about causing offense, not doing enough.

“Ezri, are you alright?” Her mother asked, sitting beside her.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Ezri replied, sitting up straight.

“Ezri. Don’t lie to me.”

“It’s just memories, Mother. Just a lot of them this morning.” She explained. Ezri’s mother sighed and reached over to stroke her hair before standing and going to get her own breakfast. Kira took the newly vacant seat and set a bowl of something warm and sweet in front of Ezri.

“Thank you. This is good, what is it?”

“I don’t even know.” Kira shrugged.

“Looks like sweet cream, toasted grains, and jam.” Ezri’s mother smiled. “Kira, could we talk after breakfast?”

“As long as Ezri’s okay with it.” Kira replied. Ezri nodded.

“Is Janel up?” Ezri asked.

“He got up early to go check on the mines. He wanted to make sure he was here to say goodbye to you.” Her mother smiled. Ezri debated lingering over her breakfast, but knew that that wouldn’t deter her mother for long. She’d talk to Kira one way or another.

“I’m going to go check and make sure we’re not leaving anything in my room.” Ezri announced as she put her bowl in the replicator for recycling.

“I’ll join you soon.” Kira smiled. Ezri returned to the table to squeeze her shoulder and kiss her cheek in thanks. She was certain that they hadn’t left anything in her room, they hadn’t utilized her closet or dresser at all, had already grabbed their few things from the bathroom. She lay on her bed to wait, wondering what her mother was telling her superior officer and fake girlfriend. 

“Hey, Ez. You still tired?” Janel smiled as he sat on her bed.

“Just waiting for Mother to finish talking to Nerys.” She sighed. “Any idea what she’s saying?”

“Sorry, no.” Janel shook his head apologetically.

“Really really?” She frowned.

“Really really. She hasn’t discussed your love life with me, aside from being upset she didn’t know anything about it. You know she worries about you, especially now that there’s a war.”

“I’m safer on DS9 than I was on the Destiny. I haven’t been attacked by a Changeling on DS9.” Ezri pointed out.

“There’s still a war, Ez. Mom’s going to worry. We know that.”

“Yeah, I just wish I knew what she was saying to Nerys.”

“Isn’t your girlfriend a freedom fighter? I doubt Mom could scare her if she tried.”

“But is she trying?” Ezri asked.

“Ezri, listen to yourself. Mom's not trying to scare your girlfriend. If you came home more often, you'd know how ridiculous you sound.” 

"Okay, Janel." Ezri sighed. 

“Sorry, I know you worry about stuff. I just mean that’s not something you need to worry about.” 

“Hey, we’ve got to head out soon to get back to DS9 on time.” Kira said as she entered the bedroom. 

“Ready when you are.” Ezri got up.

“Already?" Janel asked. "You just got here, just had breakfast."

“The trip takes two days, and we have to get back to work. Bye, Janel.” Ezri hugged him. She and Kira grabbed their bags and headed for the front door. They met her mother in the living room.

“You’re leaving already?” She frowned.

“We have to get back to DS9." Ezri replied. 

"You can stay another day or two, the trip doesn't take that long." Her mother countered. 

"We can talk on subspace, Mother." 

"You can talk to Captain Sisko on subspace, tell him you're staying for another day or two. I don’t like the idea of you leaving when Dax is affecting you so strongly." 

"I’m fine, Mother, goodbye.” Ezri replied. “Thank you for having us for Entim’ara.” 

"Ezri, it's the last day of Entim'ara. Please. Stay one more night." Her mother asked. Ezri shut her eyes and sighed. "Talk it over with Kira." Her mother suggested. "If you really have to go, I doubt an hour will make that much difference. Go talk about it, at least." 

"Okay." Ezri sighed and turned back towards her room. She didn't want to argue, especially not after the last few times she'd spoken to her family in person, and with it being Entim'ara. And she had been trying to leave earlier than they technically needed to. 

"Did you want to stay?" Kira asked once they'd shut her bedroom door. "Because if you want to go, I can insist that we need to get back to work." 

"I don't know." Ezri sighed and fell on her bed. "I came because I wanted to see my brothers, support them, but Norvo's closed off and Janel's still pretending Mother can do no wrong. But it's Entim'ara, and I ought to be putting what I want aside." 

"So did you want to stay?" Kira asked. 

"I don't really want to, but leaving today would be selfish. They're my family, and they love me in their own way. I can at least put up with them until tomorrow. As long as that's okay with you?" Ezri checked. "We can leave right now if you don't want to put up with my family." 

"I'm here to help you. Unless you need an opinion, I'll follow your lead." Kira replied. 

"Thanks." Ezri sighed. It also gave her another day to try and think of how to tell Kira she had a crush on her. She stared up at the model ships slowly navigating around her ceiling.

“You make those?” Kira asked, laying beside her.

“Yeah. Ever since I was little I wanted to go see the stars. Eventually figured out that what I really wanted was to get away from home. But building those helped me figure out that I like figuring out how things work, which turned into figuring out how people work. And they gave me something to stare at at night when I couldn’t sleep. Turns out I was using EMDR on myself.” Ezri managed to stop herself before explaining what Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing was. Kira definitely didn’t need to know that.

“Which one was the toughest?” Kira asked.

“Well, the first one I ever made was pretty tough at the time. Starfleet’s original Enterprise.” She pointed. “Janel helped me out. The most complex one overall was probably the Klingon Bird of Prey. The wings kept falling off and I almost didn’t finish it out of frustration.” 

"You said earlier you're frustrated about Norvo being closed off?" Kira asked. 

"Yeah." Ezri sighed. 

"You could call him, talk just the two of you. It was probably so awkward yesterday because your mom and I were there." 

"Things are awkward on subspace, too. I get it, things are pretty boring in prison, it's tough to make conversation, it just sucks." 

“So you probably wouldn’t want to go visit him again.”

“Probably not. I should tell my mother we’re staying for today only.” Ezri got up. “I’ll see if there’s anything she wants to do, since she was so insistent on me staying.” 

“Want me to join you?” Kira offered.

“You don’t have to. Thanks, though.” 

“Mother?” Ezri found her mother in her office again. “I was wondering if there was anything you wanted to do today, since it’s the last day of Entim’ara, and we’re leaving tomorrow, and everything.”

“I’m so glad.” Her mother smiled. “We could go to Mt. Sydney if you think you’re up for the trip.”

“Sure, I’ll go check with Kira and Janel.” Ezri nodded. 

Ezri sighed and rested her head on Kira’s shoulder in the shuttle, scooting closer when Kira wrapped her arms around her.  
“So how far away is Mount Sydney?” Kira asked.

“Only about an hour and a half. We’ll arrive in time for lunch.” Janel replied and passed her a padd with information about the mountain.

“Wait, is this on an asteroid?” Kira asked.

“It’s a space station a little bigger than DS9.” Ezri replied.

“The mountain is on a space station.” Kira repeated.

“The planet isn’t mountainous enough to ski.” Janel explained.

“The station doesn’t look very tall.” Kira frowned.

“Keep reading.” Ezri assured, closing her eyes. 

They entered the gravity acclimatization chamber, had lunch, and rented snow gear. Ezri helped Kira get her skis on and they headed out to the mountain.  
“So, does a constructed mountain face that’s actually level and has shifted artificial gravity count as doing something for real, or is this more like a holosuite?” Ezri teased as Kira looked around.

“I haven’t decided yet.” She grinned. The group went over to the learner hill for them to get used to skiing again, and to teach Kira. Eventually they moved onto the beginner hills. Kira got frustrated with falling over so much and sat to watch. Ezri gave her a hand up and they went to trade their skis and poles for sleds. 

“There you are.” Janel smiled when they returned.

“Trying something else?” Ezri’s mother asked.

“Yeah, these seem more my speed.” Kira smiled. They had fun sledding for a while, carefully avoiding the children building a jump ramp near the base of the hill. Ezri watched as Kira went over to talk to them, then went off the ramp on her next trip down, to the cheers of the children. Ezri whooped and cheered as well, laughing and pulling Kira into a hug when she stood. 

“We’re going to move up to the blue slopes.” Yanas smiled, finding them. “Congratulations on that jump, Kira.”

“Thanks. We’ll go with you.” She grinned.

“Sleds are only allowed on green slopes, but you two have fun, sled together.”

“We will. You have fun, too.” Ezri grinned. She took Kira’s hand, grinning at her friend, snow in her hair and eyelashes, cheeks and nose red from the cold.

“Should we sled together?” Kira asked conspiratorily as they headed back up the slope.

“What do you mean?” Ezri asked.

“On one sled.”

“Sure.”

“Maybe we can try to sneak onto a blue hill.”

“No.” 

“Ready?” Kira asked, sliding them forward and back.

“Go.” Ezri grinned. Kira’s arms wrapped around her and they were off, flying down the slope, laughing. She spotted the ramp approaching. “Left. Left!” She cried, trying to lean and turn the sled. Kira held her tighter as they launched off the ramp. They landed and spun out, ending up lying in the snow, laughing. “That’s why you’re not taking a sled on a blue slope.” Ezri stated. The snowfall had been turned on and they lay in the snow for a few minutes, just contentedly staring up at the snowflakes appearing and floating towards them. When they were asked to move, they got cups of steaming Rakta-cocoa. Eventually Ezri’s mother and Janel joined them, and they all had dinner and headed home.

“So, when your mother and I talked this morning…” Kira started that night.

“Yeah?” Ezri prompted as she stared resolutely up at the ceiling, stroking the back of Kira’s hand with her thumb.

“She didn’t show me pictures of you as a baby.” Kira admitted.

“I figured as much.” Ezri could feel Kira’s gaze on her.

“She told me that when you get upset, you can say really cruel things. I don’t know if she was trying to break us up or keep us together, but-”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that, because we’re not really dating and we only have to pretend for one more day. Less, even.” Ezri interrupted. She had been debating when to tell Kira that she had a crush on her, but not on the heels of that. It was selfish, but she didn’t want her mother’s bias forefront in Kira’s mind when she found out Ezri liked her. Kira shifted her hand in Ezri’s to lace their fingers together.

“I- Watching you interact with your family-” Kira cut off again. “I’m just going to say it. I want to be your girlfriend for real.”

“Even after what my mother told you?” Ezri turned her head to look at Kira. She could hardly believe it.

“Ezri, I know you. You’re so patient and kind, I almost doubt you could ever be cruel to someone, but if you were, I know they’d have earned cruelty a hundred times over.” Kira murmured. “Your mother said you were cruel to her last time you visited, but from what I’ve seen of her, I don’t doubt she deserved what you said.” 

“But what about Jadzia?” Ezri worried. All of her relationships on DS9, of all types, made her worried about the influence the previous Dax host had on her and her friends, and after Worf and Julian, she worried that dating Jadzia’s best friend wouldn’t end well. 

“What I feel for you isn’t connected to what I felt for Jadzia. When we boarded the runabout, I just wanted to help out my friend.” Kira replied. 

“But now?” Ezri breathed. 

“Now I want to hold you close and tell you how strong you’ve been these past few days.” 

“Kira, I- it’s late, people say stuff at night that they wouldn’t say if they were fully awake.” Ezri deflected, looking back to the ceiling. 

“Ezri, I mean it.” 

“But you might just be saying it because of the false closeness of being together and tired.” 

“Then I’ll tell you again tomorrow.” Kira sighed. Ezri swallowed hard, hoping Kira would tell her again, but trying to be realistic. Probably in the morning Kira would be embarrassed about confessing her feelings so early. And it sounded like these feelings had just sprung up in the past few days for each of them. Could that really be love? Or was it a combination of stress, admiration, and us-vs-them thinking? Could pretending to date cause false feelings of love? She shifted their hands back so she could rub the back of Kira’s hand. She almost wished she could talk to her mother about this, but even if she hadn’t been lying to her family about who Kira was, her mother had never been the best at giving advice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 may be late, I'm still working on the last two chapters. Feel free to leave a comment with things you'd like to see happen (saying goodbye to the Tigans and returning to the station)! 
> 
> This is what Mount Sydney looks like:


	6. The Trip Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all had a great year, happy new year!! Here's some gays!!

Ezri’s dreams had been full of past romances, good and bad. It certainly didn’t help with the decision she had to make. 

“I’m fully awake,” Kira stated once they were both dressed, “fully aware of what I’m saying. I want to date you. I understand if you don’t want to date me, there are plenty of reasons why not, but if I never told you how I feel, you’d never know.” She turned toward the door. 

“You can’t just say that and go have breakfast!” Ezri protested. 

“Well, you’re going to need time to think about it.” 

“I’ve been thinking about it pretty much all night.” 

“Sorry.” Kira frowned. 

“I’m feeling a lot for you, but I don’t know if what I’m feeling is love. I’m worried that the stress of my family, combined with the false closeness and us-versus-them mentality of our lie, could cause us to mistake feelings of admiration for love.” 

“Well, does it feel like love for you? Because I’m pretty sure it does for me.” 

“I don’t know.” Ezri sat on the bed. “It doesn’t feel like how I felt for Brinner, or Julian. Jadzia fell in love hard and fast, and this kind of feels like how she felt about Lenara, or Worf. And that’s honestly pretty scary.” She admitted. Kira sat next to her. 

“We don’t have to date. Even if you feel about me the same way I feel about you, you may not want to date me. Just let me know, and I promise I’ll try not to make it awkward. Odo and I are still friends, after he told me he loved me and I told him I didn’t.” 

“It’s a lot.” Ezri mumbled. 

“I know. I’m sorry I gave you more stress. I probably should have waited until the runabout at least.” 

“I understand why you didn’t want to wait.” Ezri replied. 

“I’m glad to see you’re dealing with Dax much better today.” Her mother stated over breakfast. 

“It’s definitely been a learning curve, but I do feel more like Ezri than Dax most days.” She smiled. 

“That’s very good to hear, especially now that I know what kind of people they allow to be Joined.” She shook her head. 

“Mother, Joran was a fluke.” Ezri protested. 

“And your little outburst on your first evening aside, you’ve been very well-behaved this visit, and we can just chalk that one up to travel fatigue.” Her mother continued. Ezri’s hands tightened and she took a deep breath as her heart sped up. She didn’t want to start an argument, and her mother was probably feeling nostalgic and didn’t mean to treat her like a child. 

“Ezri, didn’t you say that most joined Trill don’t celebrate Entim’ara?” Kira asked. 

“I can explain later, I’m sure my family doesn’t want to hear, and we’ve got plenty of time on the runabout.” Ezri replied. She wished she had the courage to take the conversation Kira was offering, but reminding her mother that Dax’s memories were still affecting her probably wouldn’t end well. 

"I'm glad you finally decided to come home for Entim'ara. And it wasn't that bad, was it?" 

"No, Mother." Ezri replied obediently. 

"See? Even though you have Dax's memories, you're still part of this family." She stated. 

“I know, Mother.” 

"You, too, Kira." 

"Thank you, Yanas." Kira placed her hand over Ezri's and squeezed. 

“Ezri, is there anything else you’d like to do before you leave?” Her mother asked. Ezri wanted to talk to her about Kira wanting to date for real, but she couldn’t. 

“Not that I can think of. Is there anything you’d like to do?” 

“Unfortunately not.” She sighed. 

“Bye for real this time.” Ezri smiled as she hugged her brother, who ruffled her hair. 

“Bye, Ez.” 

“Thank you again for having us, Mother.” 

“I’m glad to see you, Ezri. Goodbye, ladies.” She stood and hugged Ezri, who was almost too shocked to hug back. The last time she’d hugged her mother had been years ago, when she moved into the Starfleet dorms. And she couldn’t remember the time before that. 

Ezri let out a sigh as they left New Sydney’s atmosphere and set course for DS9. They’d done it, they’d successfully tricked her family into thinking she was dating Kira. 

“I want to say thank you again for pretending to be my girlfriend and dealing with my family. And thank you for helping me with my anxiety. I know I said thank you before, but I know my family can be a lot, and you had to put up with them a lot, and you came to prison to see Norvo, and-” Ezri stopped rambling and took a breath. “Thank you. It really means a lot to me.” 

“I’m glad I could help.” Kira smiled. 

Ezri swiveled idly back and forth in the copilot seat. Did she honestly love Kira Nerys? How could she be certain? What if they weren't permitted to date? She wished she'd at least tried to talk some of this over with her mother. Though she'd never been the best at advice, and her solution to Ezri saying their transmissions might be intercepted was to more heavily encode them. And Ezri didn't doubt that her mother would have suggested going public about Joran or something if she'd had time to think about it. Her tactics for solving problems didn't tend to work for Ezri. Possibly because her mother's tactics were to do what she wanted no matter what, or do whatever she thought would get others to do what she wanted. Like how she belittled Ezri into acting like an obedient child. And Ezri had let her. Ezri tried to wipe her eyes without Kira seeing, but it didn't work. 

"Want a hug?" Kira asked softly. 

"I'm fine." Ezri replied. "I was just thinking about my mother. I'm sure you've been through worse, my family is nothing compared to the Occupation of Bajor." She knew that she wouldn't let a patient deflect and belittle themselves like this, but it really did feel quite selfish to be getting emotional over her mother when Kira's childhood was far more traumatic. 

"Ezri." Kira laid a soft hand on her shoulder. "Everyone's got stuff that makes them upset. Also, your mom's awful. Do you want a hug?" 

"Yeah." She held tightly, rested her head on Kira's shoulder. 

"It's okay," Kira murmured, rubbing her back, "you're safe now." Ezri imagined all the tension running out of her, into the floor. “You can let it out, you’re safe.” Her body and breathing shook as she sniffled and fought not to cry. After a few minutes Ezri had herself under control again. 

“About us dating.” Ezri started, not looking at Kira. “Do you think Sisko or Starfleet would have a problem with it?” Would they have to keep their relationship secret like they had lied to her family about?

“Part of me feels like there’s only one way to know. But another part of me doesn’t want to risk it.” Kira frowned. 

“I don’t know if there’s any particular rules that apply to this situation.” Ezri sighed. Kira reached over to place her hand on Ezri's. 

“I understand if you don’t want to risk it.” 

“I think I do.” Ezri smiled. 

“Yeah?” Kira grinned. 

“Yeah.” 

“Can I kiss you? Not on the mouth.” She promised. Ezri grinned and nodded. Kira stood up from the pilot’s chair, so much taller than her. She gently placed her hands on Ezri’s jaw and leaned down. What was Ezri supposed to do in this situation? Should she close her eyes? She felt like she should be holding Kira somewhere, but where? Was putting her hands on Kira’s hips too familiar? Kira kissed the top of Ezri’s head and pressed their foreheads together. Ezri rested her hands on Kira’s elbows. “Ezri, you’re so brave, I’m so proud of you.” Kira murmured, then grinned. “I love how easily I can make you blush.” 

"You're proud of me." Ezri replied, half defending her blush, half just repeating the fact because it made her so happy. 

Ezri couldn’t sit still for long. She changed positions in her chair, and walked between the bunks in back of the runabout and the piloting chairs up front, unable to really get comfortable anywhere, shifting around on her bunk. They were going to date for real. Strong, confident, beautiful, funny, powerful Kira Nerys wanted to date her, and was proud of her, and thought she was brave! Even after seeing Ezri get confused with all of Dax’s memories, seeing her spacesick, and anxious, and knowing she was a counselor, and hearing from her own mother that she could be cruel when upset, Kira Nerys wanted to date her. Every time Ezri returned from the tiny bunkroom, Kira looked at her. After Ezri had completed a few slow trips across the runabout, Kira got a little smile on her face. 

“You’re so excited. So young.” She sighed with a smile as Ezri approached the front again. Ezri froze. 

“Not too young, right?” 

“No, Ezri, not too young.” Kira assured, standing to hug her again. 

"Can I kiss you on the nose? Not the bridge, just the tip." She assured, unsure how Kira felt about her nasal ridges, one of the things that marked her as alien, being touched. 

"Ezri, we're dating, you can kiss me anywhere you want." Kira grinned. Ezri quickly kissed her on the nose. 

“Nerys?” Ezri asked that night in the bunkroom. It felt even more special to be able to call her that with reason, not just pretend. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m worried.” Ezri admitted. 

“About what?” Kira leaned out of her bunk to look down at her. 

“These feelings seemed to start so fast, for both of us. What if us pretending to date is making us think we’re actually in love with each other?” 

“I doubt that.” Kira smiled. “Have you ever heard of it actually happening?” 

“This scenario doesn’t happen very often, even in nine lifetimes.” Ezri countered. “What if we’re mistaking stress and admiration for romantic attraction?” 

“Well, it would suck, but it’s not like we’re getting married next week. I like hanging out with you, I want to spend more time with you doing couples’ things.” 

“That does sound really nice.” Ezri murmured. Kira reached down to stroke her bangs. 

“If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out.” Kira replied. Ezri snorted. “What?” She asked. 

“Something Curzon used to say. A line, really.” Ezri dismissed. 

“What?” Kira repeated with a smile. 

“None of my past relationships worked out, but I’m willing to try again.” Ezri rolled her eyes. Kira laughed. 

“He certainly seemed the type.” She smiled. “I’m glad you’re willing to try again.” 

“Me, too.” Ezri murmured, catching Kira’s hand and lacing their fingers together. “We really should try to sleep, get back on the station’s schedule.” 

“We can talk more tomorrow. Night, Ez.” Kira squeezed her hand before pulling back up to her bunk. 

“Night, Nerys.” Ezri grinned. 


	7. The Return Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has 3 endings since I couldn't decide where to stop :p

Ezri's dreams were still full of loved ones from past lives, but at least they followed her own happy and excited emotions. The next morning the women were unable to suppress smiling at each other. Every time Ezri looked at Kira she remembered they were dating for real and got excited again, Kira seemed to be experiencing the same. 

“I think we should tell Ben.” Ezri stated after breakfast. “He’s going to find out at some point. And he never tried to stop Jadzia from dating.” 

“I agree. I’ve been thinking about it, and I can’t see him being upset.” Kira smiled.

“Oh, I can see him being upset, but more exasperated than angry.” Ezri replied.

“You think he’ll be exasperated?” Kira asked with a frown.

“No, I don’t really think so, I can just imagine it happening. But that’s just the anxiety catastrophizing.”

“Please don’t worry me like that. Unless talking about it helps.” Kira amended. 

“Not really. Sorry I worried you.” Ezri frowned.

“You didn’t do anything to apologize for.” Kira smiled. 

"Can I touch your spots?" Kira asked over lunch. 

"Yeah, go ahead." Ezri leaned farther over the table. She smiled a little as Kira's fingertips trailed down the side of her face and neck until her spots disappeared under her shirt collar. 

"I expected them to feel different." Kira commented. 

"Lots of people think that." Ezri nodded. “Did you want to be the one to tell Ben? About us, I mean?”

“We should probably tell him soon, but you can if you want to.”

“Thanks.” 

Kira docked the runabout at one of the Promenade ports. 

"Ready?" She smiled at Ezri. Ezri wasn't sure if her nausea was more from spacesickness or anxiety. She shouldered her bag and took Kira's hand. 

"Ready." She smiled back. They exited the airlock to find Ben Sisko waiting for them. 

"Welcome back. How was your trip?" He grinned, Kira squeezed her hand. 

"Both better and worse than I expected. What'd we miss?" Ezri replied. 

"Not much, just the usual traffic. Quark got some new holoprograms that he's trying to get people to try out. That's about it. What made it better and worse?" They started walking to the habitat ring. 

"Well, worse in that I didn't expect how much the memories of past hosts would affect me, and my mother didn't want to go see my little brother. Better in that I had Kira with me and we're dating now." Ezri said it before she could get overly anxious about telling Ben. He stopped and turned to them, then a huge grin spread across his face. 

"Congratulations." He smiled at them for a second, then continued walking. "There's forms you'll have to fill out, of course, but you can do that in the next few days." Ezri squeezed Kira's hand and they smiled at each other. They chatted for a few more minutes until Sisko said goodbye and headed to his own quarters. 

"We did it." Ezri smiled. 

"I'm not going to lie, Dax, I didn't expect you to tell him like that." Kira shook her head. 

"I know Jadzia probably have been more smooth. I just didn't want to let my anxiety get the better of me." Ezri explained as they reached Kira's quarters. 

"Come in?" She asked, Ezri nodded with a smile. Kira dropped her bag next to the door and set Ezri's next to it. She hugged Ezri tight. "I didn't fall in love with Jadzia's smoothness." She murmured. "I fell in love with your strength, Ezri. To deal with your mother, your brother, your anxiety. I'm so proud and in awe with how you handled all of that. All I meant when I said you surprised me is that I need to get to know you better." 

"Thanks. I love you too." Ezri grinned. Kira pressed their foreheads together again. 

"Can I kiss you? On the mouth?" Kira breathed. Ezri went up on her toes to kiss Kira. 

THE END 1/3 

"This is all moving so fast, and I don't know how much red tape we're going to have to go through, and I'm worried we're mistaking something else for love…" Ezri sighed as she paced Ben's quarters. She turned to him, waiting for his advice. 

"If I were asking Curzon this, he'd probably tell me to go for it, as would Jadzia." He mused, Ezri nodded. While she was incredibly glad being Dax came with built-in friendships, she wished Ben would stop comparing her to the others, at least out loud. 

"What are you most worried about?" He asked. Ezri thought. They'd already agreed that even if their relationship didn't work out, they'd enjoy it while it lasted. But all the red tape, the possibility that they wouldn't be allowed to try a relationship…

"Probably what Starfleet and the Bajoran government will say." 

"Well, what do you want me to say?" He smiled. "You know I'll go to bat for you if either of them try anything. I know you'll both be completely professional at work. What else is there to talk about?" 

"Do you think it'll work out? Kira and I?" Ezri asked, sitting next to him on the couch. 

"I don't know." He replied casually, she glared at him. "Nobody knows, Dax. I think you already make each other happy, enjoy each other's company. I think you have a lot in common, and a lot to learn from each other. I think you should give this relationship a shot." He smiled. She sighed, smiling as well. 

"Thanks, Ben. You've always been a good listener." 

THE END 2/3

"I'm sorry if I made you nervous by saying 'I love you' so soon." Ezri murmured over dinner in the Replimat. "Please don't feel pressured to say it, I don't know how you feel about it. Are you okay if I keep saying it?" 

"Yes." Kira smiled. "Though I am surprised that you said it so soon, since you were just worried about us falling in love so quickly. You keep surprising me." 

"Well, we agreed that we're in love, so I'm doing my best not to overthink it, and just… be in love with you." Ezri replied. Kira grinned, and Ezri grinned back. She always felt so excited and proud when she made Kira smile. 

THE END 3/3 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Behind the scenes post: <https://stephanidftba.tumblr.com/post/190424215716/>


End file.
